Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
