i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
