wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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