The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
