She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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