youre lurking in front of me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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