yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
