It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
