Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
