No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize