I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
