I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
