He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
