"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
