dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We are all done wearing pants today
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
