I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
