the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
