Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
