im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
