Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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