Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
