I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
