I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
