PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
