Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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