He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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