using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
