its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
