did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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