At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she looked like the before picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
