We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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