So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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