Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize