How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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