The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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