Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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