why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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