took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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