I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got inside last night via doggy door
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
