y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
