Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
