i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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