Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
