I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
