you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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