I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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