I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
