He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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