some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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