Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
