I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
