1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I enjoy the company of your penis
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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