Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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