My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
false alarm. still invincible.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
