I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
