True but thats because hes a fetus.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
