Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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