I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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