I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
