Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
