She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
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Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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