Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
