I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
