I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if only i could text you this smell
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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