Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a search helicopter?!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
