I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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