Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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