Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize