Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
